Well hello there!! Welcome to my crazy world! I must say, I’m usually not one for public pages and posting and such, so I’m stepping out of my comfort zone here. Then why are you on a public page you ask? Peer pressure, mostly. I like to make people laugh, and when people hear about my adventures, boy do they laugh.
Not too long ago, we bought a farm in the middle of rural Georgia. No biggie, right? Well, you see, I grew up in a suburb of Cleveland, Ohio. Yep. I’m a transplanted Yankee – but before you southerners boo and hiss, I did marry a redneck from nowhere, North Carolina so you hush. And then there is my mashed up, half-Yankee, half-southern words and phrases that you’ll have to endure…yep, I’m asking a lot here. It might just be worth it though.
Now, let me state that prior to this fated day, the entirety of my experience with cows consisted of begging my poor hubby to pull over on random country roads where cows were close enough to a fence to touch. He’d sometimes comply and I’d jump out of the truck and run up to the fence, all the while he’s yelling warnings like “Watch for electric fences! Watch for bulls! Some farmer is gonna shoot you!” Much to my disappointment, by the time I could get anywhere near the creatures, they’d run for their lives. So…with that in mind…back to our farm.
(Side note: I was going to call my hubby “Dear Hubby” but he said it was what all general forums used and to get creative. From here on in, he is referred to as Cattle Daddy.)
Here we are, on our new farm not even one day, when my hubby offers our pastures to a friend to graze his cows for the winter. We have some acreage and some fence, so it’s all good, right? Oh no, my friends, oh no. The adventure begins here and this is your invitation to laugh (and cringe) as my cows teach me new lessons.
I love my cows, I hug my cows, and they make me laugh every day! #CrazyCowLady
We’ll start with Cow Lesson #1 – Check the fences!
Here begins my adventure as the Crazy Cow Lady and…my first hard-learned lesson.
We begin the very first week we moved into our farm. We offered our pastures to a farmer friend to graze his cows for the winter. We didn’t think to check the fences on our brand-new farm because they’re just big, slow cows, right? So here I am, at home with family that helped us move from Ohio, and Cattle Daddy is at work. Farmer Friend pulls into our pasture of unchecked fences (yes, I do keep stressing the fences) and I run out there to greet my new furry bundles of love. As I’m hopping over the fence (the good one), Farmer Friend drops the gate on the cattle truck.
Five black shapes fly out of this cattle trailer like Dementors from Harry Potter. The group of hellions make a huge circle around the pasture like NASCAR drivers, head over the crest of a hill and…silence. I’m standing next to Farmer Friend in horrified shock because those certainly were not cute bundles of anything. They were newly weaned black angus calves. This statement is now synonymous with Dementors and will be covered in Cow Lesson #2.
Farmer Friend, with a slightly alarmed tone, says “they should’ve been back this way by now, it’s awful quiet.” Oh, Sweet Jesus, what does THAT mean? Off we go through the pasture and over the crest of the hill…and…nothing. No sign of the Dementors anywhere. Now at this point, I am thoroughly confused. How in God’s name did little cows get out of the pastures, there are electric ribbon fences and stuff??!! I ask this of Farmer Friend after he completes the latest round of obscenities. He says they either ran through or jumped over the fences. WHAAAAT? And WHERE do they think they’re going???? Read more in Cow Lesson #2 – Dementors from Harry Potter coming soon!