The Fate of the Missing Calves!

Cow Lesson – Newly weaned calves are Dementors from Harry Potter

Newly weaned calves that are stolen from their mommas, herded into a cattle trailer, and dumped off in a new place are crazier than college girls on spring break.  Cows Gone Wild!

After witnessing the amazing athletic ability of these little devils, Farmer Friend and I headed back to the house to, well, I wasn’t even sure at that time…gather a search party?  Print missing posters?  Family from Ohio was gathered on the back porch and asked where the cows were, as they missed the grand arrival.  Hmm.  About that.  I called Cattle Daddy at work to break the news.  I hardly ever call him at work, so he knew something was amiss, and he was just as confused as me.  “What happened?  They did what!?  Where are they?!”  He leaves work early for the first of many “cow emergencies”.  

We did indeed form a search party.  Poor family from Ohio were pulled into this mess and off we go, trekking through our neighbors’ woods in search of Dementors.  During this search, we met most of our neighbors for the first time with “hi, we’re your new neighbors and we lost some cows, have you seen any?”  I could only imagine what they were thinking with that intro.

During the search, one of our awesome neighbors came riding through the woods on an ATV that may as well been a white stallion.  He was herding three of these little devils with his four-wheeler!  #cowhero!  We collected them into a pasture with the “good fences” (wooden fences instead of electric ribbon tape stuff) and continued the search.  Wait a minute…that sentence makes this task sound much easier than it was.  Let me expand on “collected them into a pasture”.  Imagine three calves running around a 17-acre pasture with a small group of humans trying to direct them into a 1-acre pasture through a 10-foot gate.  In hindsight, we should have begged the cow hero to herd them all the way into the pasture, but I’m guessing he thought we knew what we were doing!  My feet hurt again just remembering this endeavor.  Lots of running, more impressive athletic ability from the calves, and MUCH profanity from the humans for about an hour or more.  It could have been a Three Stooges episode.  It may have been longer than an hour…I lost track of time pretty much the moment this adventure began…but I digress.

The tally is three calves in the pasture and two still missing.  We make another round through the woods, join our county Facebook discussion page, create a missing cow post, and call it a day.  Pizza and beer all around.  We wanted steaks just for revenge but didn’t have the energy.

(Note:  I was going to end this post here; however, I received a surprising amount of anxious inquiries from followers on what happened to the lost calves, so I shall continue the story to avoid any further fan anxiety.)

The next morning…surprise!  We see one small calf in the fenced pasture.  One.  Not three.  How is this possible???  Dementors can apparently jump fences.  This was the next cow lesson.  A cow jumping over a fence.  This doesn’t even sound possible.  The fences are wooden and the taller of the calves jumped over and took the top rail with them, lowering the fence for the others.  The one that was left was too small to make it and boy was she mad!!  The mooing was nonstop and there is a CLEAR difference between angry moos and other moos, let me tell you.  Upon further inspection of the fence, we found a group of hoof prints, so the other ones had come back to plot and assist the escape.  Who knew cows could be so ingenious???

The search party forms again.  Family from Ohio is getting way more exercise than planned for their southern vacation.  We trekked, we searched, we drove, we called, we posted…no calves.  Our one lonely gal continued to moo throughout the day and night…but alas!  That evening we hear returning moos!  Those little devils were hiding out in the woods, undoubtedly conspiring once again!  It was dark so we couldn’t give chase and they stayed in the woods.  The next morning, more hoof prints around the fence.  They tried to break her out!!  We thought about staying up all night to trap them, but when you live in rural nowhere, it’s quite dark and the calves are black.  That plan is a no go.  We did this for three days with no luck.  Much to our dismay, the calves were never found.  They were most likely adopted by a local farmer because when several hundred pounds of angus beef wanders into your yard…

On a happier note, we felt bad for our lonely little gal.  She had endured so much and was abandoned by her friends so we decided to buy her from Farmer Friend.  We named her Bessie (don’t judge, she’s our first!) and our herd was born!!!  We were officially beef farmers and cow parents!!

Next lesson – cows hate to be alone.  The moos were turning sorrowful and I was getting concerned for her.  She looked so pitiful out there all alone.  To avoid having a house cow, Cattle Daddy called Farmer Friend and told him we would buy another.  Preferably not a Dementor.  This delivery was made DIRECTLY into the wooden fenced pasture and went off without a hitch.  Our new girl was a bit bigger than the first one, but the fences were reinforced and she didn’t have knowledge of the prior prison break.  She was really nervous around us though, hence her name is Nervous Nellie!

Well, that’s a wrap for today!!  Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to peek into ours!  Stay tuned for more adventures coming up!


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